Our Own Texts From Last Night

[DanielleJo22]

Alright so I've had this idea for a while that we should start our own version of texts from last night on here. For those of you who aren't familiar with the original website, basically you just share any text messages that you have received (or sent i guess) that you feel are particularly hilarious/ridiculous/entertaining in any way. I'm assuming that with this crazy crowd this can turn out to be pretty entertaining, so hopefully it's not an epic fail.
So I guess I'll start.


(248): I don't know if having sex with 'To catch a Predator' in the background counts as love-making.

(517): does taking birth control at a bar and chasing it with a pitcher of beer make me a whore?

(248): can I pick you up?
(517): do you even know where I live?
(248): No, but it's haiti, its not that big. Plus there's like 200k less people.

(517) I just accidentally **** my pants and threw up at the same time.....happy new year.

[eighttwelve]

haha those are pretty good.

[sharkmx62]

Love this idea!!!


(972) I got so drunk last night when I tried to drunk email Laura, I sent it to myself. Epic fail and win all at once!

[DBerg649]

I have a great one that was "sent to me" by my best friend
- "Dude, after all the teasing and blue balls, I finally ****ed Caroline."

Not that funny in itself except for the fact that it wasn't sent to me... it was accidently sent to Caroline, haha

[Case]

I have a great one that was "sent to me" by my best friend
- "Dude, after all the teasing and blue balls, I finally ****ed Caroline."

Not that funny in itself except for the fact that it wasn't sent to me... it was accidently sent to Caroline, haha
I've done stupid **** like that before!:azz::lol::lol::lol:

[ryan_625]

from me to my friend last night - "well at least if we have an argument over 2 girls i know how we will decide lol. the size of their tits"

[sharkmx62]

I have a great one that was "sent to me" by my best friend
- "Dude, after all the teasing and blue balls, I finally ****ed Caroline."

Not that funny in itself except for the fact that it wasn't sent to me... it was accidently sent to Caroline, haha
I think 9 times out of 10, if you write someones name you end up sending it to that person. That is why I dont write names in txt msgs anymore

[Sam137]

Me to my roommate.

Hurry up with that beer. theres two girls here. rock paper scissors you for them.

my favorite one from text from lastnight.

i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. (http://ronronmx.com/Text-Replies-2017.html)

[Derek]

(312) - I just dropped a heavy that got wedged in the flush hole. It's unflushable.

He was sober.

[757]

821: Did you get some?

648: No my conscience got the best of me

821: Thats why you drink, to shut that guy up!

[eighttwelve]

I think 9 times out of 10, if you write someones name you end up sending it to that person. That is why I dont write names in txt msgs anymore
haha that's so true, i know too many people who've gotten ****ed over like that, haha.

[DanielleJo22]

haha that's so true, i know too many people who've gotten ****ed over like that, haha.

you just have to know how to talk yourself out of it. I've done it a few too many times and everytime I've convinced them that one of my friends stole my phone and was ****ing around.

[DBerg649]

I'll promise you they didn't believe you DJ, but women have cetain assests that make guys say fuggit, it doesn't matter anyways

[DanielleJo22]

I'll promise you they didn't believe you DJ, but women have cetain assests that make guys say fuggit, it doesn't matter anyways

well those "assets" dont really work via text messaging.



(517): I would sacrifice the name of my first born child in order to see you show up to his wedding wearing a life vest over your formal dress.
(248): that's not even fair, you dont even want children!
(517): well yeah I dont want them but Im gonna have them anyway

[O'Brien#12]

My ex: A husky puppy just got on the tube and it's all fluffy...awww i want one
Me: Husky puppies are cute but i can't help thinking they will get chronic dingle berries!

I have an issue with dogs that take their poop with them!

[Tenacious K]

(312) - I just dropped a heavy that got wedged in the flush hole. It's unflushable.

He was sober.Best by far

[Derek]

(517) - Poopy on my ****. take picture.



****'d word was C-O-C-K.

[Tenacious K]

Some txts from tonight.
(whatever these numbers represent) - Dnt you hate it whn ur ass hair gets caught in the soap block?

(666) - I feel that you should know I am masterbaiting in the shower whilst txting u

(666) - One hand on the punisher, other on the phone

[DanielleJo22]

(517): I can't see his face, but I'd do him.

(248): lol is that what you said about me when we first met?

(517): No, that was more like "I can't even remember meeting him, but I'll do him."

[sharkmx62]

Some txts from tonight.
(whatever these numbers represent) In america our numbers are 10 digits. The first three number represent what part of the country you live in and are called area codes. Have you ever heard California be referred to as the 909? Thats because parts of California have a 909 area code. Or the motocross company 661, thats because it is in Valencia CA, which is an area code of 661

[Case]

In america our numbers are 10 digits. The first three number represent what part of the country you live in and are called area codes. Have you ever heard California be referred to as the 909? Thats because parts of California have a 909 area code. Or the motocross company 661, thats because it is in Valencia CA, which is an area code of 661
YouTube- Ludacris - Area Codes (feat. Nate Dogg)

:cheers::lol:

[DBerg649]

Not a txt, but IM... I was talking to one of my old classmates from A'dam... she's actually back home in Portugal now. She had just gotten back from a bar and was pretty drunk when we were talkin.
Bea - This creepy old guy is calling me right now... I'm not answering
Me - Haha, were you flirting with old guys at the bar?
Bea - He asked me number
Me - And you gave it to him?
Bea - NO!!! Jesus, I can do better than. What kind of girl do you think I am?
Me - Well then how in the hell is he calling you?
Bea - Ooooh... you meant did I give him my number?

[DanielleJo22]

(248): the results are in. my penis is 100% healthy!

[valvesR4pussies]

Not a txt, but IM... I was talking to one of my old classmates from A'dam... she's actually back home in Portugal now. She had just gotten back from a bar and was pretty drunk when we were talkin.
Bea - This creepy old guy is calling me right now... I'm not answering
Me - Haha, were you flirting with old guys at the bar?
Bea - He asked me number
Me - And you gave it to him?
Bea - NO!!! Jesus, I can do better than. What kind of girl do you think I am?
Me - Well then how in the hell is he calling you?
Bea - Ooooh... you meant did I give him my number?



:lol:

[sharkmx62]

Not a txt, but IM... I was talking to one of my old classmates from A'dam... she's actually back home in Portugal now. She had just gotten back from a bar and was pretty drunk when we were talkin.
Bea - This creepy old guy is calling me right now... I'm not answering
Me - Haha, were you flirting with old guys at the bar?
Bea - He asked me number
Me - And you gave it to him?
Bea - NO!!! Jesus, I can do better than. What kind of girl do you think I am?
Me - Well then how in the hell is he calling you?
Bea - Ooooh... you meant did I give him my number?
lol thats great

[Sheriff]

Not a txt, but IM... I was talking to one of my old classmates from A'dam... she's actually back home in Portugal now. She had just gotten back from a bar and was pretty drunk when we were talkin.
Bea - This creepy old guy is calling me right now... I'm not answering
Me - Haha, were you flirting with old guys at the bar?
Bea - He asked me number
Me - And you gave it to him?
Bea - NO!!! Jesus, I can do better than. What kind of girl do you think I am?
Me - Well then how in the hell is he calling you?
Bea - Ooooh... you meant did I give him my number?

Maybe she just didn't understand your first question. If you re-read it, you'll notice that the word "it" could have had multiple meanings. Having a conversation in a foreign language can be tricky sometimes, I can't imagine how it would be to be drunk at the same time.

[DBerg649]

Oh naw, she speaks perfect english. Better than a lot of East Texans I know around here, haha. She was just drunk and had a perverted mentality at the time

[DanielleJo22]

(517): So I'm walking to class behind a couple that's holding hands...what is this middle school? I think the last time I held hands with a guy I was still a C cup, and I think we both know how long ago that was!

[sharkmx62]

(972) Last night I was so drunk, I hate emailed myself instead of Laura. Epic fail and epic win all at the same time?!?!

[Sam137]

Me to my friend today at work. I was planting corn and my windows were dirty and i tried to clean them with the wipers

(270) i need some paper towels. My window looks like a ****ty ultrasound.

[Mitch]

Last night I drained my fresh cauliflower ear and sent a pic of the syringe filled with blood to a bunch of girls, here are my favorite responses:

-You sure know how to charm a girl.
-That's disgusting, I'm not going to be able to go to sleep now.

And my personal favorite: "Oh I am sorry. I think you should rub me down to feel better."

Don't ever let anyone tell you chicks don't dig cauliflower ear.